The Coneheads of Dorf Kneipe

It started as a vague feeling of unease. Like a whiff of a rumor. Something just out of the corner of my eye.

What was it? 

That thing I saw, or thought I saw. I can only describe it as a sort of whitish cone-shaped, I don't know . . . 

In the great central plaza I finally saw it clearly! 

A white conehead hat hovered mysteriously in the darkness of the evening over the dark heads of certain indigenous men, on certain benches, outside certain doors. 

I realized then it was NOT the first time I had seen it. 

In Palmira on Halloween! I had assumed it was a costume. Yet I had been oddly drawn to it, as I still am.








I decided to ask our usually talkative friend Carlos from the US Embassy. He hastily muttered an excuse about a prior engagement and scuttled off up the street. 

Obviously the CIA is involved. 
That's when I knew I was on to something big. Really big.

Attempting to photograph this phenomenon I played the casual tourist. Yet native men constantly blocked my view until finally I was able to capture this one blurry photo of a Conehead sitting on a bench just outside their headquarters . . .

. . .  with the single chilling word "DORFKNEIPE" clearly spelled out above the door. 

I submit it as absolute proof that the Coneheads of DorfKneipe exist and they roam freely among us. 

I strode quickly up the steps towards the door to Dorfkneipe. The man had vanished in the blink of an eye! As a further demonstration of their arcane powers, DorfKneipe headquarters instantly morphed into a CONE shop - ice cream cones, not hats. 

Inside three wooden Indians taunted me with ice cream cones. 

Not funny, you Coneheads! 

In sheer frustration I had a double blackberry and chocolate gelato. 

While my intense curiosity burned even brighter.

Attempts to capture more photographic proof were foiled by their many clever disguises. 

The Conehead riding on this horse was talking to the man in the street, yet he is INVISIBLE in the photo!






The amorous Conehead sitting on the knee of his lady in the restaurant appears to be a dog in the photo. I swear he was not a dog! Dogs cannot say the things he said to her! 








By all standards I know I have failed to convince you. 

I can't blame you. I can't believe it myself!

Maybe the typhoid fever has returned. 

I tried a cold shower, but it had no effect. 

I simply can't deny the naked truth.


I was unable to penetrate the dense DorfKneipe mystery. At every turn they deftly turned aside my best efforts to expose and investigate their ancient and mystical purpose. 

Yet I shall return. I shall succeed. 

I vow to reveal the mysterious Coneheads of DorfKneipe. 

My allies have already reported to me the location of their stronghold in the North. 

For now I must settle for another cup of the local espresso. It's really got a kick.